Mishnah Yoma Chapter 3 Mishnah 4 Pt. 3

I don’t know about y’all but the last few weeks have been feeling like every day is another episode of “Survival TV”. I’m avoiding the news, trying to tell myself it’s safe to get out of bed, doing a lot of self-talk to get dressed in my human costume. (I’m really a cat underneath all this, I don’t know if y’all realized that lol) But being real here—it’s been hard for me to show up these days fully, and a lot of days showing up to work or even time with friends and family feels like being the High Priest in Masechet Yoma—preparing for something wholly overwhelming and volatile, potent for holiness but also for destruction. Maybe that resonates for some of you, too. And I like to believe I’m not the only queer out there who really has the soul of a cat.

But today’s piece of Mishnah really touched me today with this special detail that the High Priest, after receiving the special garments to wear, would separately sanctify their hands and feet. The word there, קִדֵש, comes from one of our most frequent roots, ק-ד-ש, meaning “holy” or “separate”. In my imagination, the High Priest is a bit scared to emerge from the mikveh, knowing that the sacred and heavy task of the rituals of Yom Kippur is now even closer—but before they know it, they’ve been handed the golden garments, the uniform for duty, and like clockwork he has dressed himself because he knows that’s what he’s supposed to do, and what all the High Priests before have done. But now this High Priest pauses to ק–ד–ש, to make sacred, and separate, a moment for his own hands and feet. I wonder what that moment meant for them, or what it felt like.

When I close my eyes, I imagine it felt like a deep breath, like slowing down. I imagine it felt like looking down at one’s own hands and feeling a lifetime of unique memories and experiences. I imagine it felt like tickling the toes, letting out a small laugh or a giggle, even in the midst of a world so serious and not generous enough with moments for silliness or play. It makes me smile, and it makes me cry too, to think how many days of my life go buy where my feet mindlessly carry me from one thing to the next, and the only dance my hands know is across a keyboard. I wonder what it would be like to wake up tomorrow morning and first thing—sanctify my hands and my feet in water, those outermost limbs that are still connected to my heart and spirit. I don’t know where it will take me in these days to come, but learning this piece of Mishnah with y’all today has filled me with more wonder, than despair. I hope it’s true for you too. Can’t wait to learn with you next time <3